However, as a salesperson, you are not doomed to the mixed messages and meanings characteristic of poor communication skills. With a conscious effort, all business and sales professionals can overcome the communication barriers that block understanding in negotiation. With a little extra effort, you can improve the delivery of your message to your counterparts and work together toward a mutually beneficial agreement.

Use the following six rules for effective communication to connect with others at the negotiating table and in all forms of communication:

Rule 1: Organize Your Thoughts

Throughout the negotiation process, always allow yourself time to organize your thoughts to avoid conveying the wrong message or confusing the issues. Before you start the negotiation process, and even after it starts, take notes and plan what you’re going to say.

To help you express your thoughts clearly when the negotiations begin, outline in advance the main points you want to cover. Planning the gist of what you’re going to say is the most effective way to avoid sending mixed messages, but don’t stop with that. As the negotiations commence, continue to take notes and plan your responses as you go through the entire process. And remember, no law exists that says every statement must be met with a response within five seconds. Take your time. In fact, silence can be one of your most powerful negotiating tools.

Stop talking whenever you feel like you need to reorganize yourself and before you respond to anything that’s said. And make sure everything you say reflects the true meaning of your thoughts. This tactic not only helps you organize what you’re going to say, but it also helps you digest what your counterpart proposes.

Rule 2: Don’t Think About It; Think Through It

Thinking about something leads to confusion, but thinking through something leads to clarity. The difference between these two processes is a crucial distinction in communication. Many times, people approach negotiations with a mindset of, “Tell it like it is, then let the chips fall where they may.” But by processing an idea through to its logical conclusion, you can evaluate the possible responses you may get from the other side.

For example, if you make an offer and say, “Take it or leave it,” what kind of response would that produce? The other party may say, “Okay, we’ll take it.” They could say, “Thanks, but no thanks.” They could say, “We won’t take it, but here’s what we will accept.” Or they might say, “No one talks to us that way!” and walk out of the room.

A range of possibilities exists, and this tactic requires careful reading of the other person’s reactions. But if you feel from your experiences with the person that they will either accept your offer or your counteroffer, it makes sense to speculate and take the chance. So give some thought to your counterpart’s possible reactions to your points before you actually make them.

Rule 3: Recognize that Actions Speak Louder than Words

Experts say that seventy-five percent of communication is nonverbal. This means that the messages negotiators convey have more to do with their looks, their actions, and the way they say things, than with the actual words they say.

The best negotiators practice saying and doing things in ways that send precisely the message they want to send. The bottom line is that the better you become at using nonverbal communication and reading the nonverbal messages others send, the more effective you can be as a negotiator. Realize that everything you do at the bargaining table is part of the communication and negotiation process. So make sure you don’t send the wrong messages by doing something that conflicts with what you want to say.

Rule 4: Be Concise

Most people tune out a majority of what they hear, so you should always be concise and get right to your point. Say what you mean in as few words as possible, without being blunt. If you drone on, people will stop listening to you. To ensure your message reaches your counterpart, always oversimplify your message, and then elaborate as they ask questions. Repeat your main point several times to emphasize what’s most important.

To boost your negotiating power even more, practice saying everything clearly and concisely, then repeat your key points to yourself again and again. One main problem with negotiation communication occurs when your counterpart gets too wrapped up in what they want to say, that they don’t pay attention to what you say. This is why it is so important to organize your thoughts, and say your main points in a concise, compelling way.

Rule 5: Always Translate Your Message into Benefits for the Other Party

People always listen more carefully when they believe some benefit exists in your message for them. In negotiations, focus on that benefit, even when the underlying purpose of the message is in your favor.

For example, when you interview for a new job, you don’t talk about the huge salary the company can offer you. You talk about all the great skills you can bring to the company, for their benefit. You try to convince them that they’ll be ahead of everyone else by hiring you, regardless of the cost.

As a salesperson, you should always highlight the value of your product or service, rather than the cost. Always talk in terms of what benefits the other party receives as a result of the negotiation terms.

Rule 6: Listen Carefully to the Other Party

If you want to reach a mutually beneficial agreement, you must make sure your message are heard and understood. But don’t get so caught up in your own message that you don’t hear and understand what the other party needs to reach an agreement. Use the following tips for listening more effectively:

• Open your mind and be receptive to the other party’s message.
• Make a commitment to listen, and follow through with this commitment as soon as they start to talk.
• Listen for feelings, as well as facts, and consider the other party’s concerns.
• Eliminate distractions. Close your door, turn of the radio, and tune in to the other person.
• Respond to the other party with questions that stimulate conversation and clarify your understanding of his or her message.
• Take notes on the important points the other party makes, and keep these points in mind as you formulate your responses.

As you improve your listening skills, you increase your negotiating effectiveness by collecting more information to use in your search for solutions.

Communication is the Key to Effective Negotiation

Communication is a two-way street that requires everyone involved to exchange messages. To negotiate more effectively, you must relate to the other party with strong communication skills. By using these six rules for effective communications, you can overcome barriers, reach a higher level of satisfaction every time you negotiate, and win more sales in the process.

John Patrick Dolan, Attorney at Law, Certified Specialist Criminal Law, CSP, CPAE is a recognized expert in the field of negotiation. He travels throughout the world presenting lively keynote speeches and in-depth training programs for business and legal professionals. Call 1-888-830-2620 for more information.

When you meet with someone at the bargaining table who doesn’t want to play fair, you can protect yourself without trickery or manipulation. Use the four following defense tactics to prevent an unethical negotiator from swindling you out of a mutually beneficial sales agreement:

Defense Tactic #1: Maintain Your Standards

If a person approaches negotiations aggressively out of ignorance, you may be able to win them over eventually. Most people don’t really want to make enemies; they just fear being cheated. If you can demonstrate to them that you’re interested in a fair deal, they will usually drop the aggressive routine and work with you.

But never compromise your own standards, even when tempted by an unscrupulous counterpart. Keep in mind the saying, “When you fight with a pig, you both get dirty – but the pig likes it.” In other words, even if you win, you’ve lost by stooping to their lower level. So maintain your own high standards; and if the other side refuses to play by the same rules, you may need to try the next tactic.

Defense Tactic #2: Don’t Fight Back Directly

Fighting with others is always difficult and usually less productive than working together to produce an acceptable agreement. When you’re pitted face-to-face with an aggressive counterpart, don’t resist their attack by being belligerent or aggressive in return. If they insist on their position, don’t counterattack with yours. Try asking them, “Why do you feel that’s the only option?” or “How do you think that will affect me?” By asking them to provide an honest explanation for why their offer

When your negotiating counterparts attack your position or your ideas, ask for more specific input. Ask them to explain exactly what they don’t like about your offer. By inviting their criticism, you force them into working with you.

Another important point to keep in mind is that you’re a human being and you deserve to be treated like one. More often than not, if you refuse to play by their aggressive rules, they’ll eventually back down.

Defense Tactic #3: Call in a Third-Party Arbitrator

Negotiation situations rarely get to the point where a third party is needed because one side refuses to play fair. But you may encounter a situation where you need a completely impartial person with no links to either side of the negotiation to guide the process.

The benefit of bringing in a third party is that they can shift the negotiations from positional bargaining to interest-based bargaining. By viewing all sides objectively, the party can plan agreements that take into account everyone’s interests and help prevent one side from manipulating the other. Ideally, two sides should be able to overcome differences, but a third party involvement is the best option when progress becomes impossible.

Defense Tactic #4: Bail Out

When you can’t persuade your counterparts to negotiate honestly and openly, and a third party mediator doesn’t help, then abandon the negotiations, at least temporarily. Sometimes deals aren’t meant to be made, but you can also strengthen your position by walking away from the bargaining table. And sometimes, both parties need to reconsider what they really want and what they are willing to give. Certainly, walking away is a drastic last resort measure, but sometimes it’s the only way to get your counterpart to play fair. And the way you walk out also makes a difference in the result you produce.

For example, if you say, “I need more time to think this over,” or “I need to consult with my superior,” you imply that you’ll consider your counterpart’s position. This tactic works well if you’re dealing with people who negotiate in good faith. It gives you more time to plan a new strategy and gather additional information. But if you’re dealing with a negotiations shark, then saying you need more time is tantamount to raising a white flag. You send a message that says, “I realize that my only option is to go with your proposal.” Then when you return to the bargaining table, your position is very weak.

On the other hand, if you withdraw by saying, “Let me know if you decide to take my offer,” that’s like saying, “This is my offer, take it or leave it.” This statement effectively ends the negotiation process and lets your counterpart know that they have no choice but to take your offer.

Another option for walking out would be to say something like, “Obviously we’re getting nowhere. Let’s take some time to rethink things and if either of us comes up with a new idea we can meet again.” With this method, either party can call another meeting without weakening their position. And most important, you leave your options open.

Using Your Defenses

Negotiations can be a complex process, even under the best circumstances. But dealing with an unethical counterpart can be impossible if you don’t know and use your defenses. When you maintain your high negotiating standards and protect yourself by not directly fighting back, you help to maintain a mature level of communication at the bargaining table. If that doesn’t work, you may need to call in a third party mediator to oversee the process. And keep in mind that you can always bail out as a last resort.

When you use these four defense tactics against an unethical negotiator, you can protect yourself and your interests, and successfully reach more beneficial sales agreements.

John Patrick Dolan, Attorney at Law, Certified Specialist Criminal Law, CSP, CPAE is a recognized expert in the field of negotiation. He travels throughout the world presenting lively keynote speeches and in-depth training programs for business and legal professionals. Call 1-888-830-2620 for more information.

Everyone uses these tactics, but that doesn’t mean that negotiations can’t be fair. Some tactics are acceptable, while others are downright sleazy. Tactics are part of the process, and you can use them and still maintain your negotiations on an honest level. In other words, the use of tactics doesn’t necessarily mean tricking or manipulating people.

Some tactics are simply tools to expedite the negotiation process; others are used to take advantage of the other person. To be successful in sales and business, you must be able to differentiate between the fair and unfair negotiation tactics so you can use the good ones to your advantage and deflect the questionable ones. Consider the following ten negotiation tactics and the methods you can use to deflect them:

Tactic #1: The Wince

The wince can be explained as any overt negative reaction to someone’s offer. For example, you might act stunned or surprised when your negotiating counterpart names their terms. This tactic tells your counterpart that you know your limits, which isn’t under-handed or dishonest. And wincing at the right time can potentially save you thousands of dollars. Keep in mind that when deals are negotiable, your counterpart will start high.

Of course, you won’t always be the wincer. Many times, especially in the sales profession, you’ll be on the receiving end of the wince. In this case, you can counter with the next tactic.

Tactic #2: Silence

In the negotiation process, silence can be your strongest tool. If you don’t like what your counterpart has said, or if you’ve made an offer and you’re waiting for a response, just sit back and wait. Most people feel uncomfortable when conversation ceases, and they start talking automatically to fill the void. Almost without fail, your counterpart will start whittling away his or her position when you use this tactic.

So what if you find yourself negotiating with a person who understands the importance of silence as well as you? Rather than wasting time in silence, restate your offer. Don’t make suggestions; just repeat your terms. This maneuver forces the other person to respond, and more often than not, they respond with a concession.

Tactic #3: The Good Guy/Bad Guy Routine

This sleazy tactic is often used in movies, where two detectives are interrogating a person who’s just been arrested. One detective seems unreasonable and inflexible, while the other tries to make it look like he or she is on the suspect’s side. This tactic is designed to get you to make concessions without the other side making any in return.

If you find yourself in a good guy/bad guy situation, the best response is to ignore it. Recognize this game for what it is, but don’t play along and don’t allow the good guy to influence your decision. The best technique is to let your counterparts play their game, while you watch out for your own interests.

Tactic #4: Limited Authority

This tactic is a variation on the good guy/bad guy routine, but instead of two people working over you, the one person you’re dealing with tells you that he or she must approve any deals with an unseen higher authority. Sometimes, this higher authority exists, but other times your counterpart will create this figure to gain an edge in the negotiation process.

So just because your counterpart tells you, “It’s out of my hands,” don’t automatically assume the person is being honest. In this type of situation, two options exist: one, ask to deal directly with this so-called higher authority; or two, test the limits of your counterpart. You may find that although the other person has used this tactic to force you into backing down, if you keep at him or her, you may get what you want.

Tactic #5: The Red Herring

This technique comes from fox hunting competitions, where one team drags a dead fish across the fox’s path to distract the other team’s dogs. At the bargaining table, a red herring means one side brings up a minor point to distract the other side from the main issue. Effective and ethical negotiators generally agree that this tactic is the sleaziest of them all.

When your negotiation process is bogged down with a minor problem, and your counterpart insists on settling it before they’ll even talk about more important issues, then you are probably dealing with a red herring. In this case, use extreme caution, and suggest setting the issue aside temporarily to work out other details.

Tactic #6: The Trial Balloon

Trial balloons are questions designed to assess your negotiating counterpart’s position without giving any clues about your plans. For example, you may ask your counterpart, “Would you consider trying our services on a temporary basis?” or “Have you considered our other service plans?” Essentially, these types of questions put the ball in your counterpart’s court, and the nice part about them is they aren’t really offers. They allow you to gain information without making a commitment.

When you’re on the receiving end of a trial balloon question, you may feel compelled to answer it thoroughly. To maintain your edge, resist this temptation and counter with another question. For example, if someone asks, “Would you consider financing the house yourself?” respond, “Well, if I did, what would your offer be?”

Tactic #7: Low-Balling

Low-balling is the opposite of the trial balloon. Instead of tempting you to make the first offer, your counterpart will open the process with a fantastic offer. Then after you agree, they start hitting you with additional necessities.

For example, say you see an ad for a product priced lower than other stores. But then after you agree to buy, the sales representative uncovers the hidden costs, such as shipping or installation. In the end you probably pay more than you would have at another store listing a higher price on the product. To avoid falling victim to this tactic, ask your counterpart about additional costs before agreeing to any deal.

Tactic #8: The Bait-and-Switch

Similar to low-balling, the bait-and-switch tactic should be avoided. Your counterpart may try to attract your interests with one great offer, but then hook you with another mediocre one. This tactic will almost always burn you, unless you can recognize it. If your counterpart were really able to offer a genuinely good deal, they wouldn’t have to resort to bait-and-switch.

Tactic #9: Outrageous Behavior

Outrageous behavior can be categorized as any form of socially unacceptable conduct intended to force the other side to make a move, such as throwing a fit of anger or bursting into tears. As most people feel uncomfortable in these situations, they may reduce their negotiating terms just to avoid them.

However, the most effective response to outrageous behavior is none at all. Just wait for the fit to die down before reacting, because emotional negotiations can result in disaster.

Tactic #10: The Written Word

When terms of a deal are written out, they often seem non-negotiable. For example, when was the last time you negotiated a lease, or a loan, or even a service contract that was typed up in advance in an official-looking document? You probably assumed these deals were non-negotiable, and for some reason most people make the same mistake of accepting terms that appear in writing.

The best defense against this tactic is simply to question everything, whether it appears in writing or not. You’ll inevitably run into some standard, non-negotiable documents, but it never hurts to ask questions. You may be surprised how many contracts actually are negotiable when challenged.

Better Negotiations in the Future

People have used these ten negotiation tactics for years, but that doesn’t mean they are always fair. So before you rush into your next negotiation situation, make yourself aware of these tactics and how they affect the process. When you learn the uses and defenses of these negotiation techniques, you can reach more mutually beneficial agreements and win more sales on better terms.

John Patrick Dolan, Attorney at Law, Certified Specialist Criminal Law, CSP, CPAE is a recognized expert in the field of negotiation. He travels throughout the world presenting lively keynote speeches and in-depth training programs for business and legal professionals. Call 1-888-830-2620 for more information.

Tactic #1: Return to a Prior Agreement

When your negotiations hit a difficult snag, the easiest solution is to stop and look back at all the agreements you and your counterpart have reached so far. Returning to a prior agreement causes everyone involved to focus on the positive breakthroughs you’ve made up to the point where you hit the snag. This tactic gives both parties hope for resolving the deadlock, and is sometimes enough to nudge people into compromises.

As you review your prior successes, say, “Look how far we’ve come. We’ve worked through all these problems and settled all these terms; surely we can come up with a solution on this issue.” Encourage your counterparts to focus on the big picture, instead of hanging on to one minor point.

Tactic #2: Take a Hypothetical Approach

Every problem has a number of solutions, and you can resume progress by looking at each solution and weighing the pros and cons. Approaching a problem from a hypothetical angle enables you to zero in on the individual points causing the holdup. This tactic forces you to closely examine all the elements involved in pursuing the option, and through the process you can discover exactly what the other party doesn’t like about it.

Present the option in question to your counterpart by saying, “Imagine if we did it this way. What are all the possible consequences?” By taking this approach, you may discover a small adjustment that will make the option acceptable. It also prevents you from scrapping an option completely and returning to the drawing board in search of new solutions.

Tactic #3: Identify Negative Consequences

Sometimes difficult situations require more severe solutions. If your counterpart won’t make a decision or agree to a concession, you may be forced to identify the negative consequences they face. This tactic is the strongest of all, and can be very effective when nothing else seems to dislodge objections blocking progress.

When discussions don’t seem to be getting anywhere, you can say something like, “If we can’t settle this to my satisfaction today, I’ll be forced to get my lawyer involved.” Quite often, a statement like this will at least get their attention. By using this tactic, you let your counterpart know that you’re serious and that you won’t be hassled.

Tactic #4: Play on Your Counterpart’s Emotions

Although you’re always supposed to leave your emotions out of negotiations, your counterpart doesn’t necessarily know that. And sometimes, all you need to get action is to trigger their emotions. But use some caution with this approach, because this tactic only works on some people; others are completely oblivious to it.

When you’re extremely close to a mutually beneficial agreement but for some reason you can’t get it together, try saying, “Is this issue going to ruin our negotiations? This is making me feel bad. I hate that we can’t seem to move forward on this.” This statement, followed by silence can have a tremendous impact on your counterpart’s resolve. But some may take it as a sign of weakness on your position. So use this tactic carefully and you’ll be surprised how frequently it works.

Tactic #5: Call a Time-out

An effective way to get action when negotiations become bogged down is to take a break. This approach allows both parties to cool off and look at the situation more objectively, and it signals to your counterpart that you’re unhappy with the terms being offered. Realize that a time-out is not a final cutoff, like a take-it-or-leave-it statement, but it does let your counterpart know that you’re not willing to haggle over minor details forever.

Try saying, “We don’t seem to be making progress, so why don’t we take some time to think about what we’ve accomplished so far and consider whether or not we want to continue.” Maybe you or your counterpart will come up with a new solution during the break.

Tactic #6: Defer Issues to an Objective Third Party

As a last resort, when none of the other tactics dislodge your snag, you can always bring in a neutral third party to help clarify issues and perspectives. A third party can look at the issues and positions without bias, and propose solutions that he or she believes will benefit everyone involved.

In extreme cases, you may consider submitting to a binding arbitration, where you and your counterpart agree to let the third party decide on the terms. In this situation, you agree in advance to accept the third party’s terms, whatever they may be. But before you defer the negotiations to a third party, be sure you are in a position to live with an objective decision. If both parties agree on taking this route, an arbitrator can solve even the toughest stalemates.

Stay on Track in the Future

When all parties involved in negotiations are sincerely interested in producing mutually beneficial agreements, they are less likely to get hung up on insignificant issues. But many times, even under the best circumstances, the decision-making process in negotiations can hit a wall. Knowing what’s at stake, what the issues are, and what each party wants doesn’t always guarantee that negotiators can smooth out their differences. So when your negotiations hit a difficult snag, use these tactics to get over the negotiation impasses and resume progress toward success.

John Patrick Dolan, Attorney at Law, Certified Specialist Criminal Law, CSP, CPAE is a recognized expert in the field of negotiation. He travels throughout the world presenting lively keynote speeches and in-depth training programs for business and legal professionals. Call 1-888-830-2620 for more information.

Everybody's Heard of It

If there's one thing we all know about negotiation it's the "Split it down the middle" (SIDTM) technique. You're very close on the purchase of your first car (in my case, a 1956 Thunderbird in 1966), the difference between what the seller is asking [$850 for the T-bird] and what the buyer is offering [$750 is what I'd offered], and so one party offers and the other party accepts an inducement to "split it down the middle."

Everybody's Used It

In the realm of give and take it's almost genetic. On every continent, in every culture, in every kind of transaction the SIDTM technique is known and practiced.

What Makes it Attractive?

Why does SIDTM work? What dimensions of this technique cause it to be so universally embraced?

Fairness is first. The element of fairness in SIDTM is extant in the fact that both parties give and both parties get something. The SIDTM compromise works for both parties. We obtain a concession... we grant a concession. What could be more fair?

Time savings is also an important and valuable consideration in SIDTM. We all have an internal time clock running within our gut. There comes a juncture in many negotiations when we conclude the expenditure of additional time on a particular transaction- becomes counter-productive... Let's just "split it down the middle and get this thing over with!"

Finally, SIDTM is the transition from negotiation to performance. The closure provided allows us to begin to receive the benefit of our bargains.

It's a Great Tactic, an Awful Strategy

This wonderful tactic, however, can lead us into an awful strategy. Why? It seems as though the combination of an almost universal death of negotiation training and the almost universal knowledge of SIDTM have resulted in a default strategy....

When our strategy is to "split the difference" between our offer and our counterpart's offer it naturally follows that we would establish a relatively extreme position. Since we know we will not get what we ask for... we ask for a lot more than we really think is reasonable.

Unless our counterpart is ignorant, the natural response to our extreme position is to state an equally extreme position in the opposite direction.

Now what? We expend tremendous amounts of energy defending our clearly extreme position. Until when? Until a mutually perceived deadline. Then what? Some form of SIDTM behavior with predictable distasteful results.

The buyer returns to his or her office and grouses "I could have bought for less if I'd held out a little longer." The seller returns to his or her office and complains "I could have sold for more if I'd held out a little longer."

What an awful strategy! We establish extreme positions, we defend these silly positions until some perceived deadline. Then we split the difference in some fashion with predictable dissatisfaction. There must be a better way!

Reject the Strategy... Retain the Tactic

The source of our solution is to understand the difference between the kinds of issues presented in any particular negotiation scenario. Principle issues and positional issues.

SIDTM is most useful in positional negotiation. However, principle negotiation should logically come first.

Fisher and Ury in their wonderful book Getting to Yes provide a concise explanation of the difference between principle and positional issues. The book is a tremendous addition to your negotiation library.

In short, principle issues reflect the values, objections, decisions, and interests we feel support our contemplated transactions. Positional issues represent the actual amount, place, time, or concessionary equilibrium we finally reach.

Sister is at home doing her homework at the kitchen table. Brother comes home and turns on his "Offspring" CD at the 150 decibel level.

Her position: "Turn that off! I can't do my homework with all that noise."

His position: "I live here too and I want to listen to my music!"

This is a common set of stand-off positions with no real apparent compromise.

Brother and sister could agree to specific times for homework and music listening. Mom and dad could eject one or both of them from the house. However, neither of these solutions offers long term satisfaction.

They could split it down the middle... turn the music down half-way. However, this situation is only a partial resolution of their differences. The SIDTM solution builds in the seeds of mistrust.

If he leaves the living room she goes in and turns the music down. When he comes back he notices the reduced volume level and turns the music back up... not to the previous level but to an even higher level.

She wants silence. He wants to listen to real loud music. How can they both get what they want?

Headphones! Headphones allow both parties to have all of what they are looking for in this everyday example of give and take.

If we can become clear as to what we really want in a transaction and why we want it, and if we can become clear as to what our counterpart wants, and why; then, a "headphones" type solution is highly probable.

Application of the New Strategy

In sales and marketing this new principle driven strategy is seen in the consultative selling approach. We learn what our customers want rather than simply selling them what we have.

When our customers complain we make in-depth inquiry into the sources of dissatisfaction rather that simply waving a policy manual at them.

When we seek to negotiate behavior in the workplace we honestly attempt to understand the reasons behind our employees conduct rather than making threats about their continued employment.

 

A "headphones" type solution is potentially possible in almost every negotiation scenario. But, we need to spend time and effort working toward that solution. If not, we fall back into the old patterns.

SIDTM is a great tactic... but it's a lousy strategy.

By the way, I bought the T-Bird for $800 and sold it two years later for $1,200... thought I was a genius! I wish I still owned that car today.

John Patrick Dolan, Attorney at Law, Certified Specialist Criminal Law, CSP, CPAE is a recognized expert in the field of negotiation. He travels throughout the world presenting lively keynote speeches and in-depth training programs for business and legal professionals. Call 1-888-830-2620 for more information.

Our early ancestors settled on a division of labor, dictated largely by biological necessity: The women bore the children and carried within their bosoms their infants' first food supply. Hence, Mama stayed home with the kids while Papa went hunting Mastodons and fighting bad guys from other tribes.

Mama dug up roots and picked berries to go with the meaty victuals Papa brought home, but outside the Clan of the Cave Bear, she was an observer, not a participant in the hunt.

From early history, boys and girls grew up in separate cultures, schooled in separate roles. Not surprisingly, then, men and women developed identifiable styles of communication. Papa's language was the language of the hunt and the fight; the language of competition. Mama's language was the language of hearth and home; of nurturing and cooperation. It should not surprise us that men and women frequently misunderstand one another, even in everyday communications.

Even into modern times, girls were expected to learn the arts of housekeeping—cooking, sewing, child-rearing—while boys were expected to learn trades or enter the professions. Men were strong and assertive while women were beautiful and submissive.

Some women did embark on careers, but only those reserved for the "fairer sex": teaching, nursing, and occasionally writing.

But whatever role they chose, they were expected to be women first—virtuous, yielding, dainty and pretty.

Throughout history, the strongest have made the rules, and until modern times the strong were the people with the muscles and agility—which meant the men.

Women could negotiate, but only from positions of weakness, since men made the laws and had the brawn to enforce them.

Today strength still prevails, but power is no longer measured by the size of your biceps. Technology has leveled the playing field so that women can fly airplanes, drive 18-wheelers, and operate construction cranes as skillfully as men.

They can also program computers, chart market trends and plot corporate strategies with all the finesse that men can muster. They are joining the men in the hunt, and when the men try to force them away, they don't have to defend their status with a club; they can wield the law instead.

Increasingly, women are taking their places at corporate tables as fully participating executives. They are interacting with men as equals, not as subordinates.

The "man's world" that used to exist has been evaporating - sometimes slowly, to be sure—ever since women won the right to vote.

Women have more than doubled their representation in non-clerical white-collar jobs in American companies since the 1960's, and now occupy almost half these positions. But a 1994 survey by the Wall Street Journal showed that women still held less than a third of the managerial jobs in the 38,059 companies that reported to the U.S. Equal Employment Opportunity Commission in 1992, the latest year for which data were available. And among 200 of the nation's biggest companies analyzed by the Journal, women held just one-fourth of the jobs classified by the EEOC as "officials and managers" - a broad category that includes a wide variety of supervisory posts, from the manager of the janitorial service to the CEO of the company.

At the vice presidential level, women made up an even smaller percentage—less than 5% in 1990, according to Catalyst, a nonprofit research group in New York that studies women in business.

Many women get the feeling that this preponderance of males in top positions creates a management culture that is hostile to females.

Companies that do succeed in populating their executive suites with a sizable female contingent find that it becomes easier to attract able women.

The Sara Lee Corp. began hiring women into high-level jobs during the 1980's and, as The Journal put it, "watched the cultural changes trickle down." The newspaper quoted Gary Grom, senior vice president of human resources: "The more women in top management jobs, the more women are attracted to them." The reason this is true is that women find it easier to relate to other women and men find it easier to relate to other men.

Women often don't fit into the corporate culture—which was developed by and for men.

Wells Fargo is a company that has succeeded in changing their corporate cultures into a blend of genders. By the early '90's, about two-thirds of its management people were women. By 1992, seven of the 38 executive vice presidents and 19 of the 108 senior vice presidents were women.

Companies such as Sara Lee and Wells Fargo demonstrate that when a certain critical mass is achieved, the genders can form a successful blend.

The ideal situation—the one toward which we hope we are moving—would be a work force populated equally by men and women at all levels, with equal opportunity for all.

In such an environment, men and women would develop a common language based upon common activities. A language in which the best features of both are blended.

This gender-blended language will enable men and women to communicate precisely and comfortably with one another-across the conference table, and across the dinner table... and gender-blending is already a work in progress.

John Patrick Dolan, Attorney at Law, Certified Specialist Criminal Law, CSP, CPAE is a recognized expert in the field of negotiation. He travels throughout the world presenting lively keynote speeches and in-depth training programs for business and legal professionals. Call 1-888-830-2620 for more information.

I'd tried all my best techniques with the counter attendant but to no avail. Wearing a suit to appear the perfect upgrade candidate, smiling, commiserating with her obviously heavy workload, volunteering to move up to business or first class to help better distribute weight throughout the aircraft. Nothing worked.

No one gets what they want every time—Even Mr. Negotiator. However, the real lesson here is never give up.

While the obvious objective of an upgrade was not obtained, the seat between myself and the fellow next to me was however, blocked (unoccupied) by the counter attendant. And it was a full flight.

Every adversity offers an equal or greater opportunity! The reputation of this mantra helped me to accept my fate—Seat H, Row 58 in Economy.

Polite introductions were exchanged between myself and my fellow occupant (Bob) of Row 58 (Right side Economy on a 747-400 aircraft).

Through three meal services, two bar services, and four feature films, we became better acquainted.

It turns out Bob was a writer from The New York Times traveling through Sydney to Papua, New Guinea. His assignment was to write an article on travel and leisure.

By exchanging information and references, Bob and I made a great deal on our (LawTalk is our company) new legal lifestyle magazine. In return, I provided him with suggestions on how to navigate through Customs and Immigration in Sydney, and what sights to see before he traveled north to the jungle.

We negotiate everyday. And, we never know when the use of our give-and-take talents will result in an unforeseen long term benefit.

The Southern Cross Hotel in Sydney is a great place. The staff at the Southern Cross is so congenial that I choose to stay there each time I travel to Sydney.

"This is a suite, isn't it?"

I received a suite for the same price as a regular room.

Always ask for an upgrade when you book your hotel reservation and again when you check in.

After a week of heavy negotiation on several business deals, it was time to go home. Seat 58H was bad enough. On my return flight, I convinced the counter attendant to allocate me seat 48H (Bulkhead exit row). More leg room! (I thought.) Unfortunately, 48H is also the area where people congregate waiting for an opportunity to use the bathroom. "Be careful what you ask for because you just might get it!" was my new mantra.

Remember, world-class negotiation techniques are powerful tools but we should always keep in mind that we use these techniques door-to-door—one person at a time.

John Patrick Dolan, Attorney at Law, Certified Specialist Criminal Law, CSP, CPAE is a recognized expert in the field of negotiation. He travels throughout the world presenting lively keynote speeches and in-depth training programs for business and legal professionals. Call 1-888-830-2620 for more information.

Mistake #1

Wanting Something Too Much-If you give the impression that your life depends on getting that job, or car, or house, or business deal, you are in trouble. Once your counterpart gets a hint of your desperation, you're dead. Remember "the person who cares least about the outcome always gets the best deal."

Mistake #2

Believing Your Counterpart Has All The Power - This is rarely, if ever, true. Remember, all parties want something, or they wouldn't be at the bargaining table. Ask yourself, "Why are they negotiating with me?"

Mistake #3

Failing To Recognize Your Own Strengths-Always try to determine your negotiating strength before you sit down at the bargaining table. The key to assessing your strengths and weaknesses is to know where you stand. Information of this kind is the true power in any negotiation.

Mistake #4

Getting Hung Up On One Issue-This is called fixed-mind negotiating. When our counterpart uses this approach it's usually the old "red-herring". When we fall into this pattern it is usually a "pet-peeve". In any event, virtually no negotiation involves one and only one issue. If you think yours does ... you are making a big mistake.

Mistake #5

Failing to See More Than One Option-Seldom do negotiations break down to only one option. There are almost always several choices of action. Creativity is the key to avoiding the "one-option" mistake.

Mistake #6

Adopting A Win-Lose Mentality-Mutual benefit is the name of the game when the Pros negotiate. If both parties are not happy, then performance becomes the problem. Anyone can shake hands on a deal. Performance only follows if benefit is derived. Otherwise, "unilateral renegotiation" is the result. Not Good!

Mistake #7

Too Much Grinding-Negotiation is a skill and an art. Understanding and using tactics is relatively simple. The real distinction between the Pro and the amateur is the judgment call to end the give-and-take and proceed to performance ... that is the art.

Mistake #8

Short Term Thinking-Some negotiators go for immediate payoffs, rather than seeking a long-term relationship. Long-term doesn't necessarily mean over a lifetime. It can show up later in the same negotiation session. Be careful about grinding someone down on one point. They will get you back on another issue.

Mistake #9

Accepting Opinions, Feelings and Statements As Facts-"Our client would never agree to a proposal such as this" ... "We don't feel we can pay more than $1,000 for your product" ... "Our budget doesn't provide for an additional installation fee". An opinion, a feeling, a statement ... None are facts. Don't be fooled.

Mistake #10

Accepting Firm Positions-"This is our final offer." Everyone who has any level of experience has said this ... and then made another offer. Don't buy it!

Mistake #11

Believing That Having More Authority Gives You More Negotiating Power-It is quite convenient to be able to say "I'd love to be able to work with you on these figures, Mr. Buyer. But all our prices are determined at our headquarters in Boise, Idaho. I'm afraid nothing short of a coup is going to change them."

Everyone makes mistakes. The value of becoming a student of the art of negotiation is that most of us can reduce the frequency of our mistakes and increase the frequency of optimum returns. With a little diligence and practice anyone who is committed can Negotiate Like The Pros.

John Patrick Dolan, Attorney at Law, Certified Specialist Criminal Law, CSP, CPAE is a recognized expert in the field of negotiation. He travels throughout the world presenting lively keynote speeches and in-depth training programs for business and legal professionals. Call 1-888-830-2620 for more information.

Predictably, they soon started playing practical jokes on each other...sneaking up on each other, rubber snake tricks, etc.

Quickly tiring of these games, they started pulling these little pranks on their houseboy Wan. They liked this good natured Korean boy-happy to have the job-and figured they'd include him in their practical jokes.

They would tie his boots together while he was sleeping and make loud clanging noises with their mess kits. Wan would jump up, thinking the enemy was attacking, and fall right on his face. Ha Ha!

They'd hang a bucket of water above his door and place a tripcord in the threshold. Then, they would call Wan into the room, and watch him get drenched.

One day the soldiers were sitting around drinking, and someone commented that Wan seemed a little down. They quickly realized that the cause of Wan's depression was the practical jokes they had been playing. They had only meant to make him feel included, but obviously he only felt humiliated. The soldiers apologized and promised never to do it again.

Wan's quick reply was "Ok, GI...then I'll stop spitting in your soup." Gross but poignant.

Anytime we deal with others in an unethical, or manipulative manner, we risk the same fate as our GI friends.

Maintaining an attitude of integrity, ethics, and fair dealing in any negotiation is not only the right thing to do...it's the least costly in the long run.

Remember what mom said..."Be nice..." Not only is mature adult conduct in negotiations its own reward...You'll avoid people spitting in your soup.

John Patrick Dolan, Attorney at Law, Certified Specialist Criminal Law, CSP, CPAE is a recognized expert in the field of negotiation. He travels throughout the world presenting lively keynote speeches and in-depth training programs for business and legal professionals. Call 1-888-830-2620 for more information.

There is no more profitable expenditure of time than the time spent preparing to negotiate. Here's your checklist:

1. Know what you want and don't want ...

Most of us have a general idea of what we want or want to avoid in a deal. Unfortunately, general objectives tend to render general results ... leading to second guessing and dissatisfaction.

Instead, write a paragraph describing in detail what you want and don't want from the transaction, then, edit this description furiously until it is laser focused and precise.

When we are crystal clear on our objective(s) and rationale(s) for their acquisition, we are most likely to achieve desired results.

2. Know what your counterpart wants and doesn't want ...

Now do the same for your counterpart. Write the description of what your opposite is looking for and seeking to avoid.

This exercise tends to be a real stumper ... and eventually a real eye-opener. Knowing our counterpart's goals, objectives, and sought after results helps us see commonalities that lead to creative solutions.

3. Know what concessions you are willing to give ...

What must you absolutely achieve to consummate a successful bargain?

What terms, conditions, extras could you live without? Every great negotiator knows there must be give and take on both sides for agreements that make sense.

4. Know your alternatives ...

Remember when you bought your first car? Mine was a 1956 T-Bird. The ,guy I bought mine from told me, "I like you and want to sell you the car ... but there's another person coming over in 30 minutes who also wants the car." Wow, did the dynamics of the negotiation shift on the spot. Having an alternative vendor or supplier really helps your level of confidence.

5. Know your counterpart and your subject matter ...

A lot of information is available to us on personality styles, body language, and neuro-linguistic programming. Remember transactions take place between people ... and people view the same facts and appeals differently. Subject matter is simple ... Know it cold-there is no excuse for being ill informed ... and lost credibility is rarely recovered.

6. Rehearse

You know how to get to Carnegie Hall! It's the same road to negotiation success - Practice - Practice -Practice! Attend swap meets and flea markets ... They are wonderful opportunities to sharpen your skills. Remember use it or lose it!

Most negotiators rarely, if ever, thoroughly prepare to negotiate. But this is the magic! Try this checklist before you negotiate ... Your returns will improve dramatically.

John Patrick Dolan, Attorney at Law, Certified Specialist Criminal Law, CSP, CPAE is a recognized expert in the field of negotiation. He travels throughout the world presenting lively keynote speeches and in-depth training programs for business and legal professionals. Call 1-888-830-2620 for more information.

Enough with the change ... Let's consider going back to the basics ... at least in the ever changing world of negotiation.

Let's review what we have covered in the last several issues of Words of Mouth.

SPITTING IN YOUR SOUP:

Watch out! Haggling too much, cutting corners, compromising integrity, violating ethical standards ... it never pays. Long term relationships can be destroyed by short term thinking. Words of Mouth Issue No. 3 contains the complete text of this discussion.

SIX STEPS FOR NEGOTIATION PREPARATION:

Getting ready to negotiate is probably more productive than mastering all the slick tricks. While a good working understanding of tactical negotiation is great - the strategic preparation process offers real leverage. Words of Mouth Issue No. 4 will walk you through the step-by-step process.

THE GENDER BLENDERS:

How successful men and women mix-it-up in negotiation. We must not ignore the incredible differences in perspective and perception between men and women. Many well intentioned, well prepared negotiators shoot themselves in the foot by missing these vantage point differences. A review of this phenomenon is discussed in Words of Mouth Issue No. 2.

TACTICS:

The nuts and bolts of give and take. Once a well prepared negotiator uses the creative solutions strategy detailed in my book Negotiate Like The Pros, tactics become important.

The Wince, the Red Herring, the Good-guy/Bad-guy, Limited Authority, Nibbling, and numerous other tactical gambits are illustrated and role-played in our Negotiate Like The Pros audio and video programs.

NEGOTIATE LIKE THE PROS:

Eleven common mistakes inexperienced negotiators make - Sometimes it is important to know what not to do in a negotiating scenario. Amateur mistakes in negotiations are extremely costly. The eleven common mistakes amateur negotiators make and how to avoid these mistakes are detailed in Words of Mouth Issue No. 1.

THE LAST WORD:

We at Negotiate Like The Pros are dedicated to educating business and legal professionals about the most productive strategies and tactics to improve bottom line results.

A Keynote Speech is a wonderful introduction to the strategy and tactics embodied in the Negotiate Like The Pros materials.

More in-depth training comes in one-half day, full day, and two day formats.

Our Negotiate Like The Pros four volume video program comes with facilitator's guide and participant workbooks - This is an especially useful package for in-house training when budgets are tight.

Give us a call at 800-859-0888 (ask for Laura) if you would like to inquire about our keynote speeches, training programs, or audio/video products ... You can even call us if you just want to get a copy of any of the past articles mentioned. It's always a great idea to go back to the basics ... And, you can keep the change.

John Patrick Dolan, Attorney at Law, Certified Specialist Criminal Law, CSP, CPAE is a recognized expert in the field of negotiation. He travels throughout the world presenting lively keynote speeches and in-depth training programs for business and legal professionals. Call 1-888-830-2620 for more information.

Wincing, Limited Authority, False Deadlines

Go to your local thrift store, flea market, or swap meet. Practice your negotiation techniques while buying a cheesy Hawaiian shirt. Here's how it goes ...

 

Merchant: "May I help you sir or madam?"
You: "Why yes, how much is this cheesy Hawaiian shirt?"
Merchant: "Ten dollars."
You: "Ten dollars!" (A wince, followed by silence)
Merchant: "How about eight dollars?"
You: "Eight dollars!" (Another wince) "My mom said I could only spend $5.00 on any cheesy Hawaiian shirt I wanted." (Limited authority)
Merchant: "Five dollars!" (Another wince)
You: "Yes, and we have to leave for home in five minutes." (False deadline)
Merchant: "Well, okay kid, I'll let you have it for five dollars."
You: "Ah, great", you say to yourself, "I really got him."
Merchant: (To himself) "That's the most I've gotten for one of these dogs in months!"

 

Silence In The Movies

Weekend at Bernie's is a great example of silence in negotiation. Although Bernie is dead, nobody seems to notice. While propped up on a sofa at a party, dead Bernie receives an offer to buy his Porsche for $35,000. Bernie is silent. Minutes later he is offered $40,000. Bernie still says nothing. Then he is offered $45,000. More silence. Even when the offer tops $55,000, Bernie still says nothing. If we acted more like Bernie, we'd put a lot more life in our negotiations.

In Glengarry Glen Ross, there is a scene where Al Pacino loses a sale because Kevin Spacey volunteers information in front of Pacino's client without knowing the details of the negotiations. Pacino later tells Spacey, "You never open your mouth until you know what the shot is." Larry Winget, a Tulsa, Oklahoma based motivational speaker, says that you never volunteer unsolicited information because it's often used in objections later on.

Mom Knows Best (Pressure Technique)

Have you ever had a pushy person try to pressure you into a quick decision on an important matter? Yielding to this kind of pressure (which is really just another false deadline) can be disastrous.

Our moms knew this when we were kids. Remember when we would relentlessly badger our moms for a quick answer to a seemingly monumental problem? Mom would say, "If I have to answer you now the answer has to be no. But, if you give me some time to think about it, the answer might be yes."

Smart kids are usually willing to let up a little bit in return for the potential of a positive outcome.

This technique works great with pushy adults ... bosses, employees, spouses, etc. Try it. Mom knows best.

Keep your eyes open ... every day we are exposed to and impacted by negotiation techniques all around us.

The wise negotiator is a keen observer and an aggressive adapter of effective techniques occurring in his or her presence.

John Patrick Dolan, Attorney at Law, Certified Specialist Criminal Law, CSP, CPAE is a recognized expert in the field of negotiation. He travels throughout the world presenting lively keynote speeches and in-depth training programs for business and legal professionals. Call 1-888-830-2620 for more information.

The trade-off is probably the most above-board negotiating tactic in the whole bag of tricks people carry with them into the bargaining arena. The trade-off is simply swapping concessions at the bargaining table until everyone agrees with the terms.

Here's when you might use the trade-off:

• Your teenager asks for "extra" money for an upcoming school event.
• Your employee asks for an additional 1/2-day off on Friday preceding a vacation.
• Your customer uses the "Oh! By the way" nibbling technique at the end of negotiations to get you to pay delivery charges. You say "If I do that for you ... what will you do for me?"

Here's what you might get:

• A commitment from your teenager to feed the dogs and clean up her/his room.
• Some help from your employee in the upcoming year-end inventory.
• An additional order from your customer in return for paying the delivery charges.

Here's the simple rule: Never make a concession without getting one in return.

Try using the trade-off the next time you are asked for a concession ... it works!!

John Patrick Dolan, Attorney at Law, Certified Specialist Criminal Law, CSP, CPAE is a recognized expert in the field of negotiation. He travels throughout the world presenting lively keynote speeches and in-depth training programs for business and legal professionals. Call 1-888-830-2620 for more information.

"Take it or leave it", "Let's just split it down the middle", and The Wince ... These are "The Big Three".

Most people learn what they know about the vital subject of negotiation by accident. We learn on the playgrounds of our childhood. We learn at school. We learn at home. We learn early in our careers when somebody really takes advantage of us.

Everyone encounters "The Big Three". Everyone knows how to use "The Big Three". Once you read this article you will know how to respond to "The Big Three".

"Take It Or Leave It"

We've all heard it. We've all used it.

What will you do the next time "Take it or leave it" is thrown at you?

Try silence first. Silence is one of the most powerful moves you can make in the game. The first person that speaks after "Take it or leave it" usually makes a concession. Try it and see.

"Why do you say that?" is another great response. Sometimes your counterpart will actually tell you why they just said "take it or leave it". Time constraints, frustration, lack of authority, may be what they really mean. All of these objections and many others can be neutralized once on the table. Just ask, "Why do you say that?"

"Let's Just Split It Down The Middle"

What do we immediately know when someone makes this offer to us? We know they are willing to make a concession if they can gain one in return.

But does your return concession have to be equal! Almost never! When someone asks to "Split it down the middle" say this ... "I can't justify an even split ... but split it once more and we have a deal." It works almost every time.

The Wince

Everybody knows this one ... "Oh my God!" ... "Your prices are outrageous" ... "We never thought we would have to pay that much" ... "$250,000?" ... "Be home by 10:00 PM?" These are winces.

Your make an offer ... positional in nature ... for money, for time, for anything measurable ... and your counterpart winces! What do you do?

Silence - The first person to speak loses. Repeat - Restate your position in a non-belligerent fashion. Joke - Act like your counterpart thought the position was great instead of unacceptable. Escalate - Make your position more extreme. Feel-Felt-Found - Commiserate, generalize, then explain and distinguish.

There are more ...

In my book, Negotiate like the Pros I discuss in great detail "The Big Three" along with eleven other powerful negotiating tactics. Ask for it at your bookstore or call my office (800) 859-0888, and we will rush you your own autographed copy.

Powerful negotiating skills are more important today than ever. Master your responses to "The Big Three"; learn about other tactics, and practice- practice- practice. Then you will be able to Negotiate like the Pros™.

John Patrick Dolan, Attorney at Law, Certified Specialist Criminal Law, CSP, CPAE is a recognized expert in the field of negotiation. He travels throughout the world presenting lively keynote speeches and in-depth training programs for business and legal professionals. Call 1-888-830-2620 for more information.

Sometimes just asking for something takes nerve. After all, some of us were taught as children not to ask for anything; instead, we were to wait until it was offered. That courtesy may have won you points with your second-grade teacher, but it'll kill you in the real world. We usually have to go after what we want. And to get what we want, we have to be shrewd negotiators, even when we try to maintain high ethical standards.

As a matter of fact, negotiating on a mature, adult-to-adult basis is even more demanding than slipping around and trying to manipulate or trick the people you're negotiating with.

First of all, being open and honest takes guts. It takes nerve basically to say to the people you're negotiating with, "I want to play fair. How about you?" or "This is what I want. How about you, and how can we both get what we want?" You're challenging them to meet you on your level, and you're asking them to focus on more than their individual needs. You can get some strange reactions because people aren't used to an open approach to negotiating. Some people don't want to negotiate that way, which brings me to a second reason ethical negotiations can be so challenging. Making sure that you don't get manipulated by someone who is not so honest takes savvy.

How to Avoid Being Manipulated

A difference in standards can cause serious problems when negotiating. Just because you follow all the principles I outline through Negotiate Like the Pros, that doesn't guarantee that everyone you negotiate with will be as mature and fair-minded as you are. (I know that once you've learned all my negotiating secrets, you're going to be mature and fair-minded, right?) You have to be prepared to run into less-than-honest bargainers, people who have their eye on the prize and have no qualms about running over you to get it.

These people have no interests in forging mutually beneficial agreements. They are only interested in what's good for them, and they don't mind abusing others to get it. They are the hard-ballers. They want to play rough. They don't care if there's such a thing as principled negotiating. They think they can get more by bullying the people they negotiate with. They believe they're stronger than their opponents and think they can walk away with the spoils if they go for the jugular vein.

Don't misunderstand me. Not every person you meet at the negotiating table is going to be an unscrupulous rogue. Some people don't share your high standards for negotiating because they don't know any better. Before reading this book, what were your attitudes toward negotiating? Did you see it as a "me-against-my-opponent" proposition? Did you feel like the only way you could win was for someone else to lose? Some people don't realize there's a better, easier way to negotiate.

I have a system for negotiating that can handle any of the problems that inevitably crop up when I'm with people from either group.

Defense Tactic 1: Maintain your standards.

If a person approaches negotiations aggressively out of ignorance, I can eventually win him or her over to my style. Most people don't want to be enemies. They just don't want to get ripped off. If you can demonstrate to them that you're interested in a fair deal, they will usually drop the aggressiveness routine and start to work with you.

Defense Tactic 2: Protect yourself by not fighting back directly.

When you meet with the people who don't want to play fair, you can protect yourself - and you don't have to resort to trickery or manipulation to do it.

If you think about it, most sharks are propelled by three basic drives - greed, self-centeredness, and an exaggerated ego. And any of those three drives makes them extremely vulnerable to a smart negotiator.

Roger Fisher and William Ury call this approach "negotiation jujitsu" in their book Getting to Yes. Jujitsu is a form of martial arts that focuses on deflecting attacks rather than engaging the enemy. If someone is running toward you aggressively, you don't stand your ground and hit back when they run into you. You step to the side and let them run past.

Defense Tactic 3. Call in a third-party arbitrator.

Rarely in my experience as a lawyer and a businessman have I ever had to call in a third-party arbitrator because the people I was negotiating with insisted on using less-than-honorable techniques. It almost never reaches this point. But probably most of us have been involved in situations where we needed someone who was completely impartial and had no links to anyone in the negotiations to help guide the negotiating process.

The benefit of bringing in a third party is that they can shift the negotiations from positional bargaining to bargaining based on interests. A third party can look at all sides objectively and weave together a plan that takes into account everyone's interests.

Defense Tactic 4. Bail out.

When all else fails - you can't persuade the other party or parties to negotiate honestly and openly, and a mediator doesn't work - abandon the negotiations, at least for a while.

Maybe a deal just wasn't meant to be. Sometimes you get a gut feeling telling you to get out of a certain negotiating situation. Go with it. Remember, you will be negotiating from a much stronger position if you are willing to walk away from the bargaining table. Maybe both parties need more time to think about what they want and what they are willing to give for it.

In Conclusion

Negotiating is a complex process, even under the best of circumstances. Every person involved in a negotiation brings to the event a different background, culture, perceptions, values, and standards. Breaking through these differences can seem impossible, yet it is crucial to creating a mutually beneficial agreement. Maintain your standards throughout negotiations.

If you can't win cooperation, chances are you will gain nothing from the negotiations. When you encounter people who aren't negotiating ethically, try to bring them up to your level. If the other party doesn't respond to your attempts to do so, be willing to walk away. You won't have lost anything.

John Patrick Dolan, Attorney at Law, Certified Specialist Criminal Law, CSP, CPAE is a recognized expert in the field of negotiation. He travels throughout the world presenting lively keynote speeches and in-depth training programs for business and legal professionals. Call 1-888-830-2620 for more information.

Does This Sound Familiar?

Elaine, an office employee, walks up to the secretary's desk on Monday morning and says, "Barbara, do we have any refill cartridges for the computer printer?"

Barbara says, "Did you look in the supply closet?"

Elaine answers, "I didn't see any, it would probably be a good idea to order a couple. We have several projects that will be wrapped up in the next week or so, and I don't think the cartridge we're using now will hold up."

Barbara responds, "To tell you the truth, Elaine, I don't see how I'm going to have time in the next couple of days to take care of that. The boss just gave me a week's worth of dictation he needs typed up and mailed out by tomorrow afternoon, plus all the end-of-quarter reports are due by Friday. Do we really need a refill in the next couple of day?"

Elaine says, "Yes, we do, or we stand a chance of missing some important deadlines. Will it help any if I find the refill number for you so you don't have to take the time to look it up?"

"That'll make it a whole lot easier," Barbara responds. "Just put the number on my desk next to the phone, and I'll place the order either this afternoon or first thing tomorrow morning. Will that be soon enough?"

Elaine says, "Sure," and goes to get the cartridge number.

What's Negotiation?

Asking for help at work, coordinating chores at home, discussing give-and-take arrangements on the job: most of us, deal with these kinds of situations several times a week. In fact, it's about as easy to avoid negotiating as it is to avoid breathing. Unfortunately, negotiating effectively, unlike breathing, is not an automatic reflex for most of us.

Even though we spend a great deal of our time negotiating for things we want, most of us are not natural-born negotiators. We may be afraid to ask for what we want, so we go without; or, we ask for too little. Sometimes we demand too much. Basically, a lot of people just don't know how to get what they want without being SOB's.

You Can Learn to Negotiate Effectively

If you understand the process, exactly what it means to negotiate effectively, you can improve your performance at the bargaining table immensely. If you are committed to getting what you want in life, you can become an expert negotiator by mastering the basic strategies and tactics that work in all kinds of negotiations, from convincing your spouse to help with the housework, to hammering out an acceptable compensation package with your boss, to buying a house, to just about anything.

As a trial lawyer, I've handled everything from simple wills to death-penalty murder cases. As a consultant who provides training and development programs for businesses and legal professionals, I spend many hours working out the details of consulting packages and fees with my clients. In other words, the bargaining table is a second home to me. And I can tell you that although every case is a unique negotiating opportunity, most of the strategies and tactics I share in Negotiate like the Pros™ can be modified to suit any occasion.

Is Negotiate like the Pros for You?

Have you ever walked away from negotiations shaking your head and saying to yourself, "Boy, is she a shrewd negotiator. I just gave up everything but my first-born child"?

Have you ever felt like you could have negotiated a better deal if only you had known what you were getting into?

Have you ever wished you were the kind of person who would "drive a hard bargain"?

If you answered "yes" to any of those questions, this book is for you. Most people don't consider themselves "negotiators." They believe negotiating is reserved for the big-league players in business and politics. Well, wipe that misconception out of your mind. That myth is just one of many that this book blows out of the water. Negotiating is unavoidable if you ever have contact with other people. And it can be a fun and rewarding experience - if you know what you're doing.

Read Negotiate like the Pros™, and you'll know what you're doing. This book, which is based on years of experience and the study of many expert negotiators, is a comprehensive guide to effective negotiation. In it, you will discover the pragmatic strategies and tactics that translate into power at the bargaining table. You will also learn about the dynamics of the negotiating process, which will help you build on your strengths as a negotiator.

By the time you finish reading Negotiate like the Pros™, you will have the power to get what you ask for. If you would like to get a copy of John Patrick Dolan's Negotiate like the Pros, go to your local bookstore or call LawTalk at 800-859-0888. $12.00 US plus $3.00 shipping and handling. $17.00 Canadian plus $3.00 shipping and handling.

John Patrick Dolan, Attorney at Law, Certified Specialist Criminal Law, CSP, CPAE is a recognized expert in the field of negotiation. He travels throughout the world presenting lively keynote speeches and in-depth training programs for business and legal professionals. Call 1-888-830-2620 for more information.

Book Upgrade Story

My wife, Irene and I dreaded a trip in coach.

We had obtained two frequent flyer program tickets on American Airlines departing from Orange County heading to Dallas, Texas.

While riding in Coach is not as difficult as traveling in the rowing section of a slave galley ... it's close.

What to do?

The Platinum desk repeated the policy to me over the phone.

The counter personnel laughed at my request.

The gate personnel rolled their eyes.

My last chance was the flight attendant.

Handing my book Negotiate like the Pros™ to the flight attendant with the inscription, "Thank you for the complimentary First Class upgrade you are about to give my wife and me!" I held my breath.

"Ha-ha!" she said. "Sorry but you know I can't."

"That's okay," I replied, "it never hurts to give it one more try!"

Then, right before the aircraft pushed back, the flight attendant waved at me and gestured "come forward" with her finger.

First Class to Dallas! And they said it couldn't be done!!!!

The glamour of travel wears thin for many seasoned veterans.

Shortcuts, time and money, savings techniques are a big part of the road warrior's survival.

Deals with air carriers, hotels, ground transportation providers, and restaurants are plentiful and fun to make.

Air Travel

Pick one or more:

1. Flying is fun.
2. Flying is awful.
3. Flying is boring.
4. Flying is a necessary evil.
5. Flying is nerve wracking.
6. All of the above.
7. None of the above.

Frequent Flyers

Frequent flyer programs can help smooth the way for the frequent traveler. American Airlines, United Airlines, Northwest Air, TWA, Continental and a number of other carriers allow for bonus travel and benefits for frequent flyers. Belonging to one or more of these programs is essential to the experienced traveler. And, many of the major domestic American carriers are members of World Wide Alliances. American Airlines is allied with British Airways, Qantas, Cathay Pacific, Singapore, South African, and others. United and others have similar relationships with other major carriers.

The best part of these programs is that they are all free and available to any frequent flyer.

Upgrades, special seating, advanced boarding privileges, and airport club memberships are all negotiable with one of these frequent flyer programs.

Hotels

Sheraton International (soon to be Starwood), Hilton, Marriott, and other major hotel chains have frequent traveler programs too.

Upgrades to suites, concierge or club levels, free nights, and travel benefits can all be negotiated with the assistance of these programs.

These programs are also almost universally free of charge to the frequent traveler.

Restaurants

Tip on the way in. You have a better chance for good service.

Ask the maitre d' for his or her suggestions. In fact, ask them to order your meal. You'll get the chef's best that evening and you'll make a friend for the future.

Never send your food back ... If you do they will spit in your soup!

John Patrick Dolan, Attorney at Law, Certified Specialist Criminal Law, CSP, CPAE is a recognized expert in the field of negotiation. He travels throughout the world presenting lively keynote speeches and in-depth training programs for business and legal professionals. Call 1-888-830-2620 for more information.

Outrageous Behavior

These outrageous behaviors can shake us up, intimidate, scare, or upset us.

Why? The most common explanation is that our fight-flight response is evoked. Fighting rarely gets us moving toward a meaningful agreement. Fright can cause us to make compromises or give concessions we would otherwise never entertain.

Why Do They Do It?

Why do some negotiators rely on outrageous behavior to get their way? Because they can ... or because they have in the past.

But, we don't have to allow this behavior to cause us to give in.

Feigned Emotion

Some negotiators act as if they are emotionally upset when they really are not.

Usually, this negotiator is the sophisticated, high level, manipulator who is looking for an advantage. His intention is calculated. The results sought are pre-planned.

Tantrum Behavior

The overwhelming majority of screamers are just stuck in a tantrum behavior pattern. As a child, they threw tantrums and got what they wanted. As an adolescent, they pressed the bounds of behavior. As an adult, they just act like big babies who must have what they want!

What Can We Do?

Whether the outrageous behavior is fake or real, we can deal with it without making serious compromises.

Silence is first. Not engaging a screamer ... letting the screamer go uninterrupted works many times. Some negotiators simply want to be heard. Genuinely upset, some negotiators become quite compliant after they have vented. In fact, sometimes the boomerang effect can set in ... that is, a screamer after venting will accept whatever is offered, and may even give more than expected.

Avoid Taunts. Many times we fall into taunting behavior as a defense, "Are you finished?" ... "Yell a little louder!" ... "Who do you think you are talking to?" These responses do not help. We must avoid these taunts, secure in the knowledge that our objective of a negotiated agreement is primary. Mirror Behavior. This probably sounds contradictory (and probably is) but sometimes shouting back can be the answer. This technique has limited utility but when effective is best used as an out of character response. People who almost never yell can use mirroring effectively on really important issues.

Feel, Felt, Found. The feel, felt, found technique works well with outrageous behavior because at its core, this technique seems to validate the unaccepted behavior ... and then provides enlightenment. Feel ... "I understand how you feel." This is the validation or commiseration phase. Felt ... "Many people in your position would have felt the same way." This is the generalization phase. Your irate counterpart is in league with many other (ill-informed) people. Found. "But understanding ... (Point A, B, C) ... most people have found our position is quite reasonable." The A, B, and C are the features, benefits, and additional appeals that support our position.

Positive Outrageous Behavior. Give them a reason to laugh. Goofy behavior, funny statements, and strange responses that cause laughter can many times disarm the worst tantrum behavior pattern.

Good luck dealing with difficult negotiators ... we all need it!

John Patrick Dolan, Attorney at Law, Certified Specialist Criminal Law, CSP, CPAE is a recognized expert in the field of negotiation. He travels throughout the world presenting lively keynote speeches and in-depth training programs for business and legal professionals. Call 1-888-830-2620 for more information.

Friends and colleagues ask me all the time, "John, what kinds of things should I include in my written contract for a car? For a new home purchase? In a business transaction?"

I have always found it helpful to use a checklist as a reminder of potential issues that should be considered.

Here are some of the things on my checklist that may be useful to you. The entire checklist can be found in the book, "How to Build a More Lucrative Law Practice" by Noel Stevenson.

Definitions: Define any terms used in the contract which are open to interpretation, but remember that definitions are dangerous.

Parties: Names and addresses of parties. Avoid using "party of the first part", "party of the second part". Instead, identify parties by "Smith" and "Jones", "buyer" and "seller" or "Lessor" and "Lessee", "Exclusive Agent".

Legal Status: Ascertain the marital or legal status of the parties.

Date of Execution: The date of the contract. It is advisable to avoid the use of an "as of" date, as it indicates that the contract was not signed on that date.

Effective Date: The effective date of the contract.

Arbitration: Provision for arbitration disputes.

Age and Competence: Are the parties competent to contract? It isn¹t advisable to rely on appearances, sometimes an eighteen year old looks and acts over twenty-one. As for mental competency, usually all one can do is observe and hope for the best.

Jurisdiction: Consider including a recital of the law of what jurisdiction should apply to the contract.

Time is of the Essence: Is it advisable to provide that time is of the essence of the contract?

Performance Duties: Include in specific terms what performance each of the parties is liable for and the time when each obligation is to be performed.

Future Changes to the Law: Make provisions for any future change of the law or administrative regulations which would affect the parties.

Performance/Reason for Delays in: Make provisions for strikes, acts of war, acts of God, or any other catastrophes which prevent or delay performances of one of the parties.

Consideration: What is the consideration of the contract?

Modification: Provide that any modification of contract must be in writing.

Payment of Money: State the time and place of payment of any money.

Damages/Default: Provide for damages, if any should be paid, in case of the default of a party.

Cancellation/Provision for: If any party to the contract has a right to cancel the contract, include provision for such cancellation.

Paragraph Headings: Consider including paragraph headings such as "Insurance", "Notices", "Covenant Not to Compete". If these paragraph headings are included, provide in the contract that these subject headings are for the sake of convenience and are not a part of the contract.

Conclusion

Good luck with your agreements. Remember the most important thing in writing an agreement is that it should be designed to provide for real or potential ambiguities and difficulties - not for litigation. Unless your contract concerns high six-figure agreements, you should stay away from lawyers and litigation - it¹s too expensive - trust me! Remember, every one of these issues is negotiable. Use this checklist and you will be able to Negotiate like the Pros™.

John Patrick Dolan, Attorney at Law, Certified Specialist Criminal Law, CSP, CPAE is a recognized expert in the field of negotiation. He travels throughout the world presenting lively keynote speeches and in-depth training programs for business and legal professionals. Call 1-888-830-2620 for more information.

The Platinum Rule

Dr. Tony Alessandra in his new book, The Platinum Rule (1996 Warner Books) says there is a better way ... Do unto others as they want to be done unto".

How does this relate to negotiation? Quite simply we negotiate with people or groups of people. As the personality styles of our counterparts vary, so must we vary our approaches to different people. We can review the wonderful information in Dr. Alessandra¹s book and then make some decisions as to our particular approach with particular personalities.

Different people observe, interpret, and act on information differently.

Here is a short summary of the four styles that Dr. Alessandra discusses in his book:

• Directors ‹ Football coaches, drill sergeants, dictators. Directors are challenge oriented take-charge decision makers. Achievement and success are defined by overcoming obstacles and realizing accomplishments.
• Socializer ‹ Are "people" people. PR directors, sales people, actors and speakers. Appreciation and recognition are what the socializer seeks. Time spent schmoozing is time well spent.
• Relaters ‹ Friendly and reliable. Relaters are team players who exercise extreme patience in difficult times and work for the long term gain.
• Thinkers ‹ Serious, analytical people with long term goals. They ponder choices until they have all the information and analysis to make a proper, well thought out decision.

How each style tends to operate and how to negotiate with each is critical to the overall success in our negotiations.

Directors like to take action ... to accept challenges ... to achieve and accomplish ... fear being "soft". The best way to negotiate with a director is to offer him or her a selection of several potential alternatives and a deadline. Let them choose. They will feel "in charge" and if you're careful in designing the potential alternatives you will get what you want.

The Socializer wants to "shoot the breeze" ... have fun ... make a favorable impression ... speak with an articulate style. They fear being disliked. They want you to be their friend ... ask them about themselves ... appreciate their wit. If they like you and believe you like them they will do business with you and make you a great deal.

Relaters want tranquility and stability... They desire a stable work environment... They like to sit or stay in one place. They want predictability and reliability in any important transaction. They do not like surprises, changes, or modifications without advance notice. To successfully negotiate with the relater we need to emphasize our trustworthiness and the predictable, reliable nature of the transaction. Following the step by step process to predictable reliable results works the best here.

Thinkers are fact-oriented and take pride on being meticulous. They want to know how things work and want time to analyze and organize tasks. Their work is high quality, although sometimes they take longer than we would like for them to take. They can be perceived as over critical and sometimes insensitive. Their biggest fear is being wrong. They would rather not make a decision than to make a poor or incorrect (irrational) decision.

Negotiating is a person to person process.

Have fun the next time you negotiate by observing carefully the personality style cues exhibited by your counterpart(s).

Being sensitive to personality orientation can really increase our successes, reduce friction, and lead us to better agreements.

Try it ... You'll be negotiating with style!

John Patrick Dolan, Attorney at Law, Certified Specialist Criminal Law, CSP, CPAE is a recognized expert in the field of negotiation. He travels throughout the world presenting lively keynote speeches and in-depth training programs for business and legal professionals. Call 1-888-830-2620 for more information.

Practice

The Wince, the Red Herring, Good Guy-Bad Guy, Limited Authority, False Deadlines, Trial Balloons, and a host of other commonly used negotiation tactics are skills techniques. The way to perfect and preserve negotiation skills is to practice, practice, practice.

Where to practice? When working to develop the use of any particular negotiation tactics, it is essential that we practice the tactic until we are comfortable with its use.

It is rarely productive to practice during our most important transactions. We develop our tactical acumen by practicing on things that are not terribly important. Practice at the airport ticket counter, practice at the hotel registration desk, practice at the high school rummage sale, or practice at the local thrift store.

Take twenty $1 bills and be on the lookout for a swap meet, a flea market, or a rummage sale. It is fun to haggle a good deal on an old Hawaiian shirt or a desk lamp ... and, it is great practice!

Get your "Licks" down on the small things and then you will find your conditioned response, tactical skills are ready and available when you engage in the give and take on the big deals.

Timing

The "Dual Vision" strategy discussed in other Negotiate Like the Pros™ articles is finally implemented by using tactical techniques. It may turn out in the best deals that little or no tactics are necessary.

However, when tactics are necessary to bridge the gap in the positions between parties, it is essential that we use the necessary tactics at the right time.

As a rule, you should put off using tactics until we have developed clearly defined strategic objectives ... measures of success.

Only when positions are finely revealed does tactical negotiation become relevant. This is when our practice can really pay off!

Discipline

Implementing a personal schedule to practice negotiation techniques is not easy. Especially as it relates to our business transactions.

Over the last ten years, our Negotiate Like the Pros™ organization has tested numerous coaching approaches. Here is our most current regime:

• An initial one day seminar to learn and review strategic and tactical concepts of negotiation. We use role-playing and audience participation liberally. We establish a practice schedule working on one tactic a week for 8-10 weeks.
• Next, we schedule a meeting for approximately one half day within 60 days of our initial seminar. We review our experiences in tactical practice and then identify our three most difficult challenges. We develop a game plan to meet these challenges and then go back to work.
• Another 30-day follow-up meeting is scheduled to review results. Usually our most difficult challenges are by then approachable and manageable. We can then identify our two or three most attractive business opportunities.
• A similar game plan is developed. In our final 30-day meeting, we review our experiences and compare our results.
• The four-month period described is followed up by toll free telephone consultation through the end of a total one-year period. The results have been phenomenal!
• Our Results Plus™ has really allowed us to substantially impact organizations and individuals who want to achieve dramatic returns on their training dollars.

Negotiate Like the Pros™ is constantly on the lookout for leading organizations that are looking for real results.

Perhaps your organization could be next?

John Patrick Dolan, Attorney at Law, Certified Specialist Criminal Law, CSP, CPAE is a recognized expert in the field of negotiation. He travels throughout the world presenting lively keynote speeches and in-depth training programs for business and legal professionals. Call 1-888-830-2620 for more information.

Negotiation in sales can be a tricky process when salespeople don’t know the true needs of their prospects. But the most successful sales and business professionals know how to ask questions that determine what their prospective clients really want. They use questions to open up communications and encourage prospects to share information.

However, using questions to uncover information and to break down barriers at the negotiating table requires more than just asking questions as you think of them. If you ask the right question, you can get the information you need to close the deal. But ask the wrong question, and you risk offending your prospect and losing the sale. Essentially, you must know how to ask effective questions that produce the right response.

Formulating effective questions requires forethought and skill. So use the following seven guidelines for effective questioning techniques the next time you sit down at the bargaining table with a potential client:

1. Plan Your Questions Ahead of Time

Before starting the negotiations, figure out exactly what key issues you’ll be negotiating. Researching the prospect you’re negotiating with, his or her organization, and background relative to the situation enables you to formulate the right questions to get more information.

Find out what type of person the prospect is, whether he or she is an experienced negotiator, and what’s at stake for the other party in the deal. The more you know, the more effective your questions will be. So plan in advance the kinds of questions likely to produce the most information, and the kinds of questions with the most potential for moving you and your prospect toward a solution.

2. Ask Permission to Ask Questions

Questions can sometimes put people on the defensive. To avoid this situation, choose words and phrases that make your prospects feel like they are being interviewed, rather than interrogated. The last thing you want your prospects to feel is that they’re under interrogation. So use care in your word choices and allow them to open up and let the information flow.

Start by saying, “So that I can understand where you’re coming from and how we might work more closely together, it would help me if I asked a few question. Is that okay with you?”

Once you have their permission, be sure to ask your questions gently. Instead of saying, “Why do you insist on those terms?” try saying, “So I can better understand your position, can you please explain to me why those terms are so important to you?”

3. Begin with Broad, Simple Questions and Progress to Questions with More Depth

Broad questions prevent your prospects from feeling pinned down, so start with open-ended inquiries. For example, ask them about their main goal for the negotiation. This method will allow the prospects to answer in general terms and to keep their negotiation strategy a secret. Then as you and the other party become more comfortable, move on to narrower, more direct questions.

Direct questions give you specific information, such as facts and figures. “How much to you expect to pay for this service?” is an example of a direct question.

Then as you uncover the facts, you can gradually progress to positioning and strategic questions, such as, “What will it take for you to agree to our offer?” Strategic questions help everyone focus on working out an acceptable agreement.

4. Make Your Questions Simple

Ask questions that are easy to answer. In other words, don’t ask questions that may make your prospect uncomfortable. So avoid personal questions, unless the answer is absolutely vital to your negotiations. For example, a person’s salary is personal information, but a real estate agent has a valid reason for asking prospects to reveal how much they make.

Also, if someone asks you a question that you don’t know how to answer, admit it. Learn how to say, “I don’t know.” But always offer to find out the answer, and promise to get back with them.

5. Once You’ve Asked a Question, Take Time to Listen

Although listening seems like an obvious part of the question and answer system, the practice is often overlooked. Many times, when salespeople get caught up in the negotiation process, they focus on what they want to ask prospects next, rather than listen attentively to their responses.

If you want to get information from your prospects, you must listen to what they say. Don’t plan your second question until they’ve answered the first. Be quiet, concentrate on their responses, and consider how their statements affect the negotiations.

6. Use Questions to Give Information

To avoid sounding pushy or overbearing, communicate important information by turning your statements into questions. For example, “Did you know our company out-sold our closest competitors by 125 percent last year?” sounds friendlier than just stating numbers and facts.

Also, statements in the form of questions encourage your prospects to respond with more information. For example, your prospect may respond, “Yes, we were impressed with your company’s record of consistently outperforming its competitors. The last company we dealt with seemed to struggle to keep up, which caused many problems.” This response tells you that they are aware of your reputation, and your stability is important to them.

7. Use Questions to Clarify

Experienced negotiators always ask enough questions to ensure that all parties understand all the details of the agreement, because many times two parties will agree, but not on the same terms. For example, if someone agrees to pay on the first, what do they mean? They may mean that they will pay on the first of the month, but which month? Or they may mean they will pay on the first delivery, or the first chance they get.

This may sound nit-picky, but you should always cover every detail of the agreement terms to avoid confusion. Keep asking questions until you and your prospect mean the same things by the terms you use.

The Benefits of Effective Questions

Information is the key to better negotiations, and effective question-asking techniques allow you to collect more information from your prospective clients. The right questions can open up communication lines and encourage conversations that increase the level of trust your prospect has in you and the product or service you sell.

When you use these seven guidelines for effective questioning, you and your prospect can move beyond your individual positions, focus on ways to pool your strengths, and form mutually beneficial agreements. And mutually beneficial agreements mean more clients, more sales, and more money for you and your company.

John Patrick Dolan, Attorney at Law, Certified Specialist Criminal Law, CSP, CPAE is a recognized expert in the field of negotiation. He travels throughout the world presenting lively keynote speeches and in-depth training programs for business and legal professionals. Call 1-888-830-2620 for more information.

If you think successful salespeople “wing it” when it comes to negotiation, think again. In truth, they prepare for every negotiation with the same rigor as a student preparing for an upcoming exam. Smart salespeople realize effective negotiation depends on preparation. They take time to think through their own position and that of their counterpart so they can ultimately handle anything that may arise during the bargaining process.

To become an effective negotiator and a more successful salesperson, you must understand the power of preparation. The first step is to solidify your position. Start by answering the following question: “Where do I stand?” In other words, what is your position in the negotiation process?

Knowing your position means more than saying to yourself, “I want this,” or, “I want that.” In most cases, your position will encompass more components than just the issue driving you to the bargaining table. Before entering the crossfire, use the following three inventory items to establish your position:

1. Know What You Want

Rather than enter a negotiating situation with a vague idea of your position, take time beforehand to formulate a detailed picture in your mind of what you want. Start by making a list of your demands. Say, for example, you're applying for a new job. In this case, your list may include a desired salary, benefits, and vacation time.

Be very specific in your list of items, because specific demands carry more negotiating power. When you know exactly what you want, you will feel more confident and your counterpart will respond more favorably to your requests. Sometimes just acting like you expect a positive response will sway the other party in your favor. And while you can't always rely on your confidence alone, the force with which you present your demands will at least give you an edge.

2. Know Where You Can Afford to Compromise

So what happens if you don't get exactly what you want out of the deal? Well, that's just reality. No one ever gets everything they ask for in life, and negotiation is no different. The process requires give and take from both parties, so you should always be prepared for compromise.

To avoid giving up too much, or giving in on the wrong issues, know in advance what concessions and compromises you are willing to make. Consider your list of demands and decide which items you absolutely must have, what items you would like to have, and what items would be great to have. Plan ahead how far you can reduce your demands so you aren't forced into making snap decisions, or a decision you may regret.

3. Plan Alternatives to Your Ultimate Goal

Think of alternatives as your safety net. If you can't negotiate a deal that both parties agree with, you should always be prepared to walk away. For every plan A you should have a plan B, and remember never to want anything too badly. Desperation will cause you to make poor decisions, and in reality situations aren't usually as desperate as they seem.

Many times, when negotiators aren't prepared with an alternative perspective, they feel like they have no choice but to take what's offered. When you take time to consider your alternatives prior to the negotiation process, you won't be afraid to walk away when things don't go as planned.

What is Your Counterpart's Position?

Once you've determined your stance, the second part of negotiation preparation requires you to look at the situation from the other side. You must survey your counterpart's position and uncover their strengths and weaknesses. Ask yourself the following five questions to discover what's on the other side's agenda:

1. What Do They Want?

Discovering what the other side wants is crucial for developing mutually beneficial agreements. Obviously they want something from you, or you wouldn't be negotiating in the first place. Do they want the product you're selling? Or do they want a cheaper alternative to a service they already get from somewhere else? In many cases, their wants will be apparent. But if you don't know what they want, then don't be afraid to come out and ask them.

2. What is Important to the Other Side?

Say, for example, you're a real estate agent negotiating the price of a listing with an interested couple. Naturally, they want the house you're selling, but what's really important to them? Is it the location? Are they comfortable with the mortgage? Once you discover your counterpart's needs, you can use those points to negotiate for things that are important to you.

3. Why Are They Willing to Negotiate?

Willingness to participate in negotiation automatically signals some degree of flexibility or need. Roger Dawson described a historical example of this concept in his book, You Can Get Anything You Want. During the Vietnam War, Lyndon Johnson's administration was under tremendous pressure from the constituency to reach an agreement before the general elections, and the Vietnamese used this to their advantage. They pushed the United States into a corner and forced them to give up almost everything to end the fighting. In this case, the impending election added a time constraint on the United States to the point of desperation. When you know why your opponent is willing to negotiate, you can use it to your advantage.

4. What Does the Other Side Bring to the Situation?

Before entering into negotiations, you must find out what they have to offer you. Do they have what you want? Can they afford your demands? If they don't have what you want, the negotiation process is pointless.

5. What Resources Do They Have?

Just like you have other options, your counterparts are likely to have alternatives as well. Find out how badly they need this deal. Are they desperate? Or do they possess a catalog of other options? A customer, for example, usually has plenty of choices when negotiating the sale of a product or service. They can just shop somewhere else if you don't provide what they want on their terms. But sometimes, you'll find that you are the only source for the item your counterparts want.

Preparation for the Future

You wouldn't take a test without studying, so why should the negotiation process be any different? Taking a personal inventory of your position before beginning the negotiation process will give you confidence and prevent you from making poor decisions. Additionally, some investigation of your counterpart's needs and wants will give you an added edge when the process starts.

Knowledge and preparation are the keys to effective negotiation, and as a salesperson, you can only benefit from the extra effort. When you take time to understand your position and your counterpart's position at the bargaining table, you'll be ready for anything and secure more sales as a result.

John Patrick Dolan, Attorney at Law, Certified Specialist Criminal Law, CSP, CPAE is a recognized expert in the field of negotiation. He travels throughout the world presenting lively keynote speeches and in-depth training programs for business and legal professionals. Call 1-888-830-2620 for more information.

No matter what you’re selling, or to whom, you need a reliable negotiation strategy that enables both parties to succeed in the deal. Think of your strategy as your master plan, or systematic approach. Since any strategy is only as strong as the techniques and tactics you use, think of tactics as the tools for implementing your negotiation strategy.

Without a solid strategy in place and the right tools for the job, you are likely to succumb to ineffective negotiation tactics and may end up losing sales or not getting the best outcome for you and your company. Use the following five strategies to negotiate effectively.

1. Always be Prepared

You wouldn’t jump out of an airplane without a parachute, and you wouldn’t climb a mountain without prior preparation, so why should negotiating be any different? All effective negotiations start before you actually sit down at the bargaining table. So don’t jump in without any research or planning. Take time to consider your counterpart’s situation. Ask yourself what they need from the deal, and know what you can and cannot compromise.

Negotiations for a year-long service contract will obviously require more preparation than for a one-time purchase of a product. But regardless, use preparation to gain a comprehensive view of the situation. Preparation and planned alternatives will help you stay relaxed through the negotiation. And remember that the more you know about the deal in question, the easier it will be to arrange the best solution for everyone involved.

2. Set Objective Negotiating Standards

If you want to reach a mutually beneficial agreement, everyone has to play the negotiation game by the same set of rules. Objective negotiating standards are like a set of rules established before the process starts. Many times, these standards are set by the organization, or by a government law. For example, most banks won’t grant a loan to someone buying a home until that house has been inspected and declared structurally sound. This rule is a standard that must be met before the bartering can even begin.

In most cases, you can set your own rules. For example, if you’re negotiating a carpet cleaning service contract, you may approach your client with the competitor’s price and what the client currently pays for regular cleanings as some standards for the process. By setting guidelines prior to the negotiation, you ensure that everyone operates under the same standards and everything runs smoothly.

3. Work With, Not Against, the Other Party

Good negotiations mean all parties leave the table feeling good about the agreement and about each other. In order for this to occur, everyone involved must strive for mutually beneficial solutions. When you approach the situation with this attitude of mutual satisfaction, the other party will usually disarm. Most people only get defensive when they feel like you’re out to swindle them. But if the other party knows you want to play fair, they try to play fair as well.

However, you may come across some people who don’t agree with the concept of fair play. Unfortunately, some people, regardless of how you approach negotiations, won’t play by the same high standards. No matter what you do, these individuals are prepared for battle and may bring out the heavy artillery, such as intimidation and manipulation. But you can’t stoop to their level, no matter how tempted you may be. Keep the possibility of an unfair counterpart in mind, but don’t abandon your strategy for fair play.

4. Finalize All Agreements

Keep in mind that the point of negotiation is to arrange the best deal for everyone, so ask plenty of questions. Don’t let important details slip through, and perhaps more important, listen to the client’s responses and concerns. If they are worried about customer service, or the contract length, or routine repairs on the product, then address these issues with care. When the terms are settled, make sure everyone’s perceptions match, and recap all the important details.

Depending on the impact of the deal, you may decide to put the terms in writing, such as a sales contract or agreement. Keep a copy for your records, and give the other party a copy as well. Then if any questions arise, you’ll both have a copy of the answers. And don’t sign off until both parties understand all the key points. Don’t leave any details hanging, and make sure everyone agrees to all the terms and knows what is expected.

5. Follow Through

Once you’ve negotiated the sale, developed mutually beneficial solutions, and signed the agreements, you must follow through on your part. This means you do what you said you would do, when you said you would do it, and in the manner you said it would be done. For example, if you said you’d deliver a product or service on a certain day, then make sure it’s there. If for some reason you can’t follow through as expected, make sure you contact the other party and discuss alternative arrangements.

Also, make sure the other people involved in the agreement follow through as well. Unfortunately, at some time in your sales career, you’ll inevitably run into some people who blow off agreements. In this case, you must protect yourself. But as a general rule, for everything you give, you must expect to get something in return.

Negotiating Conclusions

Negotiation is a process of give-and-take for everyone involved. When you follow a strategy, you can focus on finding solutions, rather than winning a position. Preparation gives you a comprehensive view of the situation, and standards serve as guidelines for compromise. Remember to work with, not against, your counterpart, and then finalize all the details you’ve agreed upon. Most important, once you’ve completed the negotiation process, keep your word and follow through with the deal.

As a salesperson, you naturally want your customer to be satisfied, but you also need to benefit from your hard work. When you use these strategies every time you negotiate a sale, both parties will come away pleased, and you’ll win more clients in the process.

John Patrick Dolan, Attorney at Law, Certified Specialist Criminal Law, CSP, CPAE is a recognized expert in the field of negotiation. He travels throughout the world presenting lively keynote speeches and in-depth training programs for business and legal professionals. Call 1-888-830-2620 for more information.

Because most people don't understand the dynamics of negotiation, they may get nervous or apprehensive about the process. Even professional salespeople get sweaty palms and anxious stomachs before sitting down at the bargaining table. The trouble resides in all the myths associated with negotiation. But, regardless of what you're selling, you can make the inevitable sales process more productive when you understand and overcome the following seven myths of negotiation:

Myth #1— In order to be a successful negotiator, you must be an SOB.

Mythbuster — This statement is completely false. In fact, most people become SOBs in sales situations because they are poor negotiators and must resort to ruthlessness to get what they want. In reality, effective negotiation has a great deal to do with the attitude you bring to the table. If you approach negotiation as a win-or-lose battle, then that's exactly what you'll get: a battle. You'll struggle against the other party, waste time and energy defending positions, and resort to sneaking things past your counterparts. Then when it's all said and done, you'll probably come away with less than if you'd have treated the negotiation as an opportunity for everyone involved to profit.

Myth #2— Negotiating is synonymous with fighting.

Mythbuster — Fights generally break out when people can't negotiate effectively. When you understand effective negotiation, you can actually head off misunderstandings and conflicts that may arise in the process. You'll know how to settle issues with customers without fighting. And in many cases, you'll be able to mediate conflicts, misunderstandings, and stalemates between other people and groups.

Myth #3— Negotiating is a talent reserved for shrewd businesspeople, experienced diplomats, and precocious children.

Mythbuster— Anyone can learn to negotiate effectively, without being a genius or manipulative. Most salespeople don't consider themselves negotiators, and certainly not professional negotiators. Many equate professional negotiators with hard-charging corporate raiders launching takeovers on other businesses, diplomats meeting to discuss the fates of nations, or lawyers settling million-dollar lawsuits.

But each and every person on the planet is a negotiator, and many times without realizing it. When you take time to learn the art of effective negotiation, you actually can get more of what you want. You can forge better and more productive relationships with your clients and all the people around you in other areas of life.

Myth #4— When you sit down at the bargaining table, you must abandon all ethics to get what you want.

Mythbuster— Getting what you want doesn't mean stealing it from others. By understanding negotiation, you can prevent being conned into things you don't want to do or getting less than you deserve. Consider negotiating for a new sales position. The terms you agree on with the new employer will obviously affect your time with that particular company, and also your time with future employers. The compensation package from one company will set the pattern for the level of income you can command when negotiating with other companies. It's not unusual for the difference in two people's earnings to be more affected by their individual negotiating abilities than their experience or talents.

Myth #5— You must have the upper hand to negotiate effectively.

Mythbuster— If you think that negotiation involves one group trying to beat the other out of a good deal, then you have an inaccurate perception of the process. Actually, the weaker your position, the better your negotiating skills must be, because you can save a huge amount of money. For example, suppose you're negotiating the price of a new computer system for your company. The person selling the system knows your current system is outdated and that you must make a purchase immediately to stay competitive. If you can bring the price down $15,000 from what the seller asks, you'll save much more than the upfront cost. By the time you add interest on a five-year financing plan, you'll have quite a savings that's well worth the negotiating effort.

Myth #6— Negotiating is a time time-wasting activity that only clogs the wheels of progress.

Mythbuster— When done right, negotiating is an enormous timesaver because it makes everyone work together to find solutions. Rather than struggling through a one-sided sale, it is much easier when both parties understand how to negotiate and actively participate in the process to produce the best results possible for everyone. Plus, enlisting others can help fulfill your plans and dreams.

 

Myth #7— Negotiating is always a formal process with clearly defined parameters and procedures.

Mythbuster— Negotiating is the sum and substance of all human give and take. That's right; negotiation actually takes many different forms that you may not normally consider. For example, if you and your spouse are deciding who's going to prepare dinner and who's going to clean up the dirty dishes, then you're negotiating. Or maybe you're haggling the price of an item at a garage sale with the seller; this is also a negotiating process. Chances are you negotiate much more frequently than you think. In fact, any time you're making a deal or working out any kind of agreement with anyone, then you're negotiating. And if you're conducting these daily negotiations effectively, you'll reach an agreement that satisfies both parties. You can actually improve your professionalism in dealing with all types of people by applying some of the negotiation skills you practice without realizing it.

 

Busting the Myths of Negotiation

Human beings negotiate constantly, so it's vital to get beyond the negative thoughts that cause us to ask for less than we deserve. And the art of negotiation requires more than just trading off with others to get the things you want. Negotiating is a process of understanding people and discovering ways you can work together to produce positive results for everyone involved.

When you understand the myths surrounding the negotiation process, then overcome these fallacies, you will reap greater benefits from your sales profession. Most important, you'll come away from every sale completely satisfied for yourself and confident that the other party feels a similar satisfaction.

John Patrick Dolan, Attorney at Law, Certified Specialist Criminal Law, CSP, CPAE is a recognized expert in the field of negotiation. He travels throughout the world presenting lively keynote speeches and in-depth training programs for business and legal professionals. Call 1-888-830-2620 for more information.